Flushed
by IdPattThat
Summary: "Can you come over? My hand's stuck in the toilet." An entry for the "Remember When This Was Fun" contest!


**All characters and names and good stuff belongs to Stephenie. The rest is mine. **

**Thanks to AB and killerlashes for prereading and beta-ing. Much love. **

**Enjoy! **

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><p><strong>Flushed<strong>

***An entry for the "Remember When This Was Fun" contest***

**2012**

"_Can you come over? My hand's stuck in the toilet." _

Those were probably the most embarrassing words I ever had to say to someone. And having to say them to him? The bastard was _never _going to let me live it down.

"Where are you?" I heard him call up the stairs, just after the front door slammed.

"In the fucking bathroom. Where do you think? Jesus!" I yelled back.

He bounded up the stairs and into the bathroom, and then stopped suddenly. Our eyes met and I groaned.

"Don't," I said through clenched teeth.

He didn't listen. I glared as he laughed, doubled over in his expensive suit and falling against the bathroom door. Tears streamed down his cheeks and he slid to the ground, his legs spread out in front of him.

I waited.

He laughed.

"Will you shut up!" I yelled and threw my hairbrush at him.

"I'm sorry!" He gasped and wiped the tears from his face, knocking his glasses askew. "I– you look ridiculous!"

"No shit, my fucking hand is in the toilet!"

"Oh, I can see that," he chuckled as he cleaned his glasses on his shirt.

"I'm going to murder you," I seethed.

"Really? You gonna stare me to death?" He teased.

"Edward! Get me out of here!" I stamped my foot just inches away from his and he grinned.

"I don't know, I kind of like watching this," Edward said as he finally got to his feet. He slipped off his jacket and loosened his tie before kneeling next to me.

"Where were you?" I frowned and took in his fancy suit with more clarity.

"I told you I had an interview," he replied and peered into the bowl where my hand was being held hostage.

"Were you finished? How'd it go?"

"I don't know. You called in the middle of it." He stood up and dug his phone from his pocket.

"Edward!" I chastised him. "You shouldn't have left!"

"What did you expect me to do?" he sighed and ran a hand through his hair before tossing his phone on the bathroom counter. He leaned forward, his copper hair falling into his eyes, and he suddenly looked five years younger.

**2009 **

"No, Jasper. I don't think all of the nation's problems could be solved if everyone sat around smoking a fatty. This isn't an episode of _That 70s Show_." A tall guy in faded jeans and a "More Cowbell" t-shirt patted his friend on the shoulder and shoved himself off the couch. It was New Year's Eve and we were crammed inside someone's townhome, just off campus from Columbia. I was in my first year of law school and completely burnt out. I was only out of my own house because my roommate had threatened to force me to watch reruns of _American Idol_ until my eyes bled.

I hated her a little.

"Oh, sorry. Didn't see you there." The cowbell guy gently brushed against me, knocking me into the counter.

"No problem," I replied with a weak smile. He smiled back, green eyes crinkling behind thin-rimmed glasses, as he pulled a Guinness out of the refrigerator. He poured it into a glass and nodded to me, his hair falling over his forehead as he did.

"Need a refill?" I glanced at the beer I'd been nursing for the better part of an hour and shook my head.

"I'm okay."

"This not your thing?" he asked, gesturing to the party that was going on around us.

I shrugged. "I've been in a library for the past four months. I don't know if anything is my thing anymore," I sighed.

"Let me guess…law school?" he asked with a grin. His teeth were white and too straight.

"How did you know?"

"You've got that look about you," he said, leaning across the counter and gazing down at me. I almost faltered under his gaze…almost.

"Oh? How's that?"

He smiled. "You look smart. And exhausted."

"Well, you look a little bit like a douche. Are you a business major?" I batted my eyelashes at him and he choked on his beer.

"Uh, no. I'm in my first year of residency, actually."

A doctor. He was adorable _and_ a doctor. I had to keep it together; I didn't have time to get involved with anyone. Not that he would be interested in me anyways.

"Med school. Nerd," I teased. He grinned again. Too perfect. Too pretty.

"I'm Edward." He held out his hand and I slipped mine into it.

"Leah."

**2012**

"Maybe I should call a plumber." Edward frowned and picked his phone up again.

"Do you have to? Isn't this embarrassing enough without involving an outside party? Can't we solve this in the privacy of this room and never speak of it again?" I begged. Edward smirked down at me.

"Dammit, Leah, I'm a doctor, not a plumber!" he cried with a hint of a smile, and I bit my lip to keep from laughing. Now wasn't the time to laugh, it was the time to get me out of the fucking toilet.

"Edward, just get me out of here, please."

He bent down to my level again and wrapped a hand around my elbow, tugging slightly. I winced. He noticed.

"Sorry. I think a plumber is our best bet," Edward explained, and I conceded with bad grace, huffing out a sigh and glaring at him. "How in the world did this happen anyway, Leah?"

I looked away from him quickly, really not interested in telling him the reason I was currently stuck in the toilet or what was grasped in my stuck fingers.

I wasn't quite sure he'd take it that well.

**2009**

"Hey, can you do me a huge favor?" Edward's voice was low in my ear and his body was a little too close to mine.

"That depends, we've only just met." I turned away from the girl with whom I'd been complaining about law school and met his gaze. He grinned and tugged me into the kitchen, his fingers tight around mine.

"There's this girl here–" he started.

"I'm out," I said as I tried to walk away.

"You don't even know what I want!" He grabbed me again, spinning me until I was pressed against his chest.

"Fine. What is it?" I pushed myself away from him and crossed my arms in front of my chest.

"This girl is a little nuts. And it's New Year's Eve. And I was hoping…"

"Yes?"

"That maybe you'd just hang out with me? Maybe she'll think I'm unavailable and leave me alone," he explained. I watched his face for a long moment. His green eyes were honest and pleading, his hair a ridiculous mess. There was something there that I wanted to believe, though, something I wanted to know and figure out and remember.

Something that scared the shit out of me.

"Do I have to kiss you?" I wrinkled my nose and pretended to be disgusted.

Edward frowned. "Um…"

"I mean, it _is_ New Year's Eve. Does this deal involve kissing?"

"If you want?" he shrugged. I thought for a moment.

"No tongue." I pointed at him in what I hoped was a menacing way.

"I wouldn't dream of it." Edward grinned and held out his hand. I shook it gently and then he laced our fingers together and led me back to the party.

For the next hour and a half we pretended. He held my hand and whispered things in my ear; once in a while, he would brush a stray strand of hair from my face or let his fingers run along the skin between my t-shirt and jeans. I tried not to enjoy it, not to let the touch of skin warm my blood or make my heart stutter.

But, if I were being honest with myself, it was the most fun I'd had in a long time. Edward happened to be really funny and smarter than I'd thought. He made everyone laugh with his stories from med school and the hospital he was working at. I'd learned that he wanted to go into pediatrics and the thought of him working with children seriously did things to my ovaries.

"It's almost midnight," he whispered as he arm slid around my waist once more.

"Oh, yeah?"

"I think she left, you don't have to pretend anymore if you don't want," Edward explained. I slipped my arms around his neck and pulled myself closer to him, just as people started counting down around us.

_Ten. Nine. _

"Well, maybe we should, just in case she comes back."

_Eight. Seven. _

"Only if you're sure. I don't want to pressure you."

_Six. Five. _

"It was my idea, right?"

_Four. Three. _

"Right."

_Two. One. _

And then he kissed me. It was soft and gentle, just his warms lips pressed against mine, and it was over before I knew it.

I frowned.

"You said no tongue," he reminded me before kissing my cheek. I laughed and hugged him tighter.

"You are quite the gentleman."

He grinned. "I try."

Then I closed the distance between us and kissed him again. All around us people were chattering excitedly, clinking glasses, and hugging each other. But my hands were tight on the back of his neck, holding him to me, and his arms were viselike around me.

It was, by far, my favorite New Year's kiss ever.

Edward pulled away and touched my cheek gently.

"You wanna get out of here?"

I nodded and led him lead me out of the house. He took my hand in his and started walking down the sidewalk. We could still hear the sounds of the party from the house we'd left and from other places on the street.

"I'm just a few blocks away," I said pointing in the direction of my own townhome.

"Want me to walk you?" he squeezed my hand and let his thumb rub over my knuckles.

"Sure," I replied, trying to be nonchalant and hoping to high heaven that he couldn't see right through me.

The walk back was quiet and when we finally reached my door I turned to him and gave him a quick smile.

"This is me." I gestured and dropped his hand.

"Thanks for tonight, I really appreciate it."

"Oh, you know…no big deal." I shrugged and stepped away.

"Wait!" he nearly yelled and pulled me to him again.

"What?" I frowned as our bodies pressed together.

"I lied, Leah," Edward muttered and tipped my face to his.

"How? You're not really in med school?"

"No, I am."

"Your name isn't really Edward?"

"Who would lie about that?"

I shrugged. "Then what did you lie about?"

"The girl. Well, there really wasn't a girl, so it was more of a…story I made up."

"No girl?" I raised an eyebrow at him.

"None at all." He shook his head.

"So…you tricked me into pretending to be your girlfriend and into kissing you?"

"I may have done that, yes," Edward admitted.

I bit my lip while I his words rolled around in my head, and then I smiled.

"You want to come in for some coffee?"

"Coffee?" He looked confused.

"Yeah. Coffee."

"I think I will, yeah."

**2012 **

"Do you really have to call a plumber?" I whined from my spot on the floor. Edward smiled and sat down next to me. He unbuttoned his sleeves and rolled them up to the elbows.

"I'm pretty sure that's the only way we'll free you, sweetheart."

"Damn," I grumbled.

"Remember the last time you were stuck to a toilet all night?" he asked and I smiled.

**2010 **

"Leah?" he called my name from our bed and I groaned loudly. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. Please don't come in here," I replied and rested my head against the cool porcelain.

"C'mon, sweetheart. Let me in. It's nothing I haven't seen before," he called.

"Not from me you haven't!" I called back.

"I'm a doctor, Leah."

"You're my boyfriend, Edward. It's not right. It goes against all the rules of nature and–" I finished my sentence by vomiting loudly.

He was there before I could stop him. "You're burning up," he muttered and held a hand to my forehead. Soon enough I was back in bed with a glass of water and a cold compress on my face. Edward stayed up with me all night, keeping me comfortable and telling me stories. He held my hair back when I puked, no matter how much I pushed him away. He was perfect.

When the sun rose in the morning, I was feeling a hundred times better and Edward was snoring softly beside me. I moved to get out of bed and his arm stretched out to stop me.

"Are you going to puke?" he muttered.

"No, to brush my teeth. I think something died in my mouth."

Edward chuckled and rolled onto his back, resting a hand on his chest and closing his eyes again.

I brushed my teeth and washed my face, then went to the dresser to change clothes. I opened Edward's top drawer and pulled out a t-shirt. A little black box tumbled out of the one I chose and fell to the hardwood floor.

Edward sat bolt upright, his eyes wild.

"What was that?" he asked warily.

"Um…this?" I bend down and picked the box up, holding it out to him.

"Fuck," he muttered. "Fuckfuckfuck." Edward threw off the covers, pulled on his glasses, and quickly made his way to me. He snatched the box from my hand and ran a hand through his messy hair.

"What's wrong?"

He held the box out and I took it, watching his face carefully. His green eyes seemed to shine behind his glasses.

I opened it cautiously, feeling tears fill my eyes as I did.

"It was my grandmother's…"

"It's beautiful," I whispered. "Is it mine?"

"If you want it to be." He shrugged.

"Do you have something to ask me first?" I smirked. He rolled his eyes and fell to his knees, and then took my hands in his.

"I love you, Leah. Will you let me spend the rest of my life proving it?"

"I think so, yes," I whispered and dropped to my own knees before throwing my arms around him. He kissed me gently and then pulled away and placed the ring on my finger: a perfect fit.

**2012**

"That night didn't end so badly," I said with a light laugh.

"No, it was pretty much perfect if I do says so myself." Edward leaned over and kissed my cheek and then took my left hand (my free hand) in his. "Where's your ring?"

"Oh…" I blinked and looked away, feeling my face turn red.

"Leah…please tell me it isn't where I think it is."

"I don't know what you mean, Edward." I sniffed and pulled my hand away.

"You're stuck in the toilet…why?"

"I dropped something," I muttered.

"Dropped something? Like my grandmother's diamond ring?" He stood up and put his hands on his hips and glared down at me.

"I was cleaning, okay! I was cleaning and I flushed the toilet and knocked it off the counter!"

"Jesus Christ." He rubbed his hand over his face and grabbed his phone. "I'm calling the plumber."

"Why?" I cried.

"Because, in case you've forgotten, I'm going to need that ring _and_ you to be out of the toilet by tomorrow at two, Leah."

I sighed and rested my hand on my arm. My fingers had started to go numb and my back was aching, so I gave in.

Edward didn't talk while we waited for the plumber. He took a phone call out in the hall and left me alone to my thoughts. I needed me and my ring out of the toilet, too.

"Who was on the phone?"

"Dr. Murphy's office," he said, leaning against the counter.

"And…?"

"And I can start next week," Edward explained, smiling.

"Shut up!" I exclaimed.

"I'm serious. I mean, I told him I couldn't start next week, but after that. Now, I really need you out of there so I can celebrate."

"We can't celebrate, you aren't even supposed to be seeing me right now." I laughed and he shrugged.

"I don't care!"

An hour later we both got our wish and Edward ceremoniously kicked out the chuckling plumber after he wrote him a check.

"How's it feel?" Edward propped himself up against he door and smiled at me. I frowned and scrubbed my arm with antibacterial soap, my ring still clasped tight in my fingers.

"I've got some feeling back in it," I told him. He yanked the hand towel off the rack and helped me dry my arm, then he pried my fingers open. I sighed as he pulled my ring out of the death grip I had on it and then slipped it back onto my hand.

"No more unnecessary dips in the toilet, please?"

"I'll try." I grinned and leaned up to kiss him.

"Try hard," he whispered.

"Does this mean you still want to marry me tomorrow?"

He grinned down at me. "Yeah. Especially since now I don't have to say 'I do' in the bathroom."


End file.
